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From your first day in recovery, the focus is on avoiding relapse. By any means necessary and sacrificing all else, your single-minded goal is to manage cravings and do everything possible to avoid engaging in addictive behaviors.
While relapse prevention is an essential part of recovery, it has the unfortunate effect of making it feel as if a relapse is a failure, a signifier of hopelessness and the end of recovery. Too often, people feel the urge to hide a relapse and continue in treatment as if nothing happened, carrying the weight of this huge secret. Others go the opposite route, fully returning to a life of active addiction because they feel that there is no other recourse and they are doomed.
The fact is, however, that relapse does not have to be the end of recovery. It can be an event that is explored and understood, and then isolated from future experience. It can be something you learn from, that helps you to grow stronger in recovery. But it takes honesty and a solid commitment to the process of treatment, as well as the support of professionals who can help you to fully understand what happened and how you can protect yourself from a repeat occurrence.
Chronic Illness
Addiction has been identified as a chronic disease, one that is characterized by recurrent episodes. Like diabetes and cancer, someone can go through periods of remission that are punctuated by a recurrence of the disease in its active state. Though it is not required that the disease recur, it does happen.
When a person engages in addictive behavior repeatedly, over time, the actual structure and function of the brain are altered. It can take time to repair the damage that occurs, and during this time, relapse may be a higher risk. Even years after the initial cessation of addictive behaviors, the urge to relapse can strike out of nowhere. It is an embedded coping mechanism, but with time and new healthy coping mechanisms, you can learn new ways to manage emotional discomfort and stress without relapse.
Reset after Relapse
Do not expect yourself to wake up after a relapse and be physically and emotionally prepared to jump back into recovery. Give yourself the opportunity as well as the time to work through what happened and process it fully before attempting to move on. You can:
Talk to a professional. While sharing with your peers in recovery or a family member may be the first thing you do, it is important to connect with a treatment professional so you have some guidance in exploring the many different issues, feelings, situations, and events that led up to the relapse. An objective person with a great deal of experience can help you to consider things you may not have before or see things from a new perspective that sheds light on the changes you can make to ensure that relapse doesn’t happen the next time the events occur.
Focus on the positive. It can be tempting to wallow in guilt and self-blame, lamenting all the choices that you could have or should have made, or telling yourself you have lost everything in recovery and that hope is gone. It’s far more productive, however, to focus on the positive things in your life. The relapse is over, and that is a good thing. You can learn from the experience – that, too, is positive. Your recovery is not lost; you still have the benefit of all that you have learned to draw from as you process the relapse and move forward. In fact, it is impossible to truly be at “ground zero” when a relapse occurs in recovery. Long-term sobriety is a process that is defined by peaks and valleys, and you always have your history in treatment to help guide you as move forward, learn more about yourself, and how to stay sober. In the meantime, practice self-compassion and mindfulness.
Confront the issues that led to relapse. Did you have a fight with your spouse or a family member before the relapse? It’s time to address the issue with positive changes, and if that is not possible, you may need to consider putting some distance between yourself and the relationship until you are more stable in recovery. Did you finally succumb to temptation at work and take the joint or drink offered to you? It may be time to switch jobs if you find yourself surrounded by addictive triggers and people who are unsupportive of your recovery. In addition to identifying the issues that led up to relapse, it is essential to create a plan to address those issues so they do not crop up again.
Stick with your treatment and therapy schedule. The last thing you want to do after relapse is cut back on your number of treatment sessions and meetings. Instead, redouble your efforts. Hit a 12-Step meeting every day for the next 90 days. Increase the number of weekly meetings with your sponsor or therapist, or call to check in daily. Choose a new style of therapy (e.g., art therapy, sports therapy, etc.) or opt to incorporate holistic treatments (e.g., tai chi, yoga, meditation, etc.).
Don’t Give Up
The bottom line is that a relapse, as long as you physically survive it, is not the end of the world. You are resilient. While not ideal, it can become one more thing that happened to you in recovery rather than an issue that halts your progress and defines your experience.
